Introducing a vibrator into your relationship needn't be daunting.
Approach it as a newcomer, even if you've both used vibrators on your own or with others before. Just as you needed to get to know one another when you first began having sex, it may take some time to get comfortable using a vibrator together as well. Start small (literally and figuratively), and progress together from there.
Here are a few of the most common stumbling blocks, accompanied by some suggestions we hope you'll find useful. Every relationship is different, so be creative and adjust as necessary to meet your needs. And if you're looking for further guidance, don't hesitate to Ask Jimmyjane.
PS – The same approach that's outlined below can easily be adapted to other desires as well...
What about vibrator envy?
Introducing a vibrator into your relationship can easily be misinterpreted to mean that something was wrong or missing, and can cause your partner to have misgivings about this newcomer.
- It's helpful to be reminded that using a vibrator alone, and being with a partner (with or without a vibrator) are two very different experiences. Masturbating alone does not replace the desire to be with a partner – indeed, it can actually increase it.
- To remove one conscious and/or subconscious concern for men, start with a vibrator that is smaller than he is. It may sound silly, but it's a simple consideration that can make a significant difference in your first experiences together.
- Until you're both comfortable, use your new vibrator together so that it develops as a shared experience.
- Understanding what your partner enjoys takes time, practice, and above all, communication. Women who masturbate and/or use vibrators often learn a great deal about what feels good for them – and are then able to share this information with their partner. A lot can be learned by simply paying attention to how each of you enjoys using a vibrator most.
- Take turns holding the vibrator, using it to show one another what feels good. Having one person hold the vibrator while the other guides their hand can be very instructive – and exciting for both of you. It also ensures that everyone remains involved and connected.