Sex Toys R Us: Using Toys in a Relationship

It's OK to admit it: Sometimes life in the bedroom becomes stale, especially when you've been with the same partner for a while. How can you spice things up? Bringing a toy or two into the bedroom can take you and your boo to new heights of pleasure. Plus, you can explore new interests like pegging or bondage!

According to one survey, about 65% of women and 50% of men in the United States have used a sex toy at some point in their lives. Other countries are different. For example, up to 70% of both men and women in Italy have tried a sex toy.

Why Some Couples Are Scared to Bring in Sex Toys?

sex toys for couples

Introducing toys into a relationship can be scary. You may worry about how your partner will react, especially if you're a woman and your partner is a man. Historically, some men have felt insecure around sex toys due to societal messaging around sex. They feel threatened by them because they've been taught that they should be the only thing their partner needs to get off.

However, a sex toy isn't a threat — it's an invitation for more connection and pleasure together. Even a clitoral vibrator will enhance the experience for both people involved.

According to one study, over 18% of women were hesitant to bring toys into their sex life because they were afraid their partner would feel insecure. But you don't have to worry about being replaced by a sex toy — nothing can replace the joy and intimacy of human contact. Toys can make it even better.

How Many Couples Use Sex Toys?

It's completely normal to use toys in a relationship. Don't believe us? The numbers don't lie.

Research shows that it's more common for couples to use sex toys than single people. Another survey showed that 52% of people used a sex toy in a partnership. So you're not alone. More than half of couples enjoy playing together with dildos, vibrators, cock rings and other fun accouterments.

Women aged 55-60 were just as likely to have tried a sex toy at some point in their lives. However, they were half as likely as younger women to use sex toys.

How to Bring Up Introducing Sex Toys

First, gauge the temperature of sex talk in your relationship. Are you and your partner comfortable talking about sex in general? Or does it feel awkward? If you're not used to talking about it, try creating a culture of sexy talk in your relationship. Start discussing your likes and dislikes to create more open communication. When you do have the sex toy talk, it will all be more straightforward.

Introducing Sex Toys

Be specific to start. Talk about what type of toy you'd like to use and how you'd like to use it. It will make it easier for your partner to get on board. Make sure to keep the conversation positive. Talk about how it will increase pleasure for both of you, rather than criticizing your partner's bedroom habits.

Why Couples Introduce Sex Toys to the Relationship?

Couples often introduce toys to gain more passion and intimacy in their sex life. Some studies show that couples who are satisfied with their relationships are more likely to use sex toys. Spicing things up can create more communication in the relationship, leading to a stronger foundation and more trust overall. 

Is Using Sex Toys in a Relationship 'Good'?

Whether something is good or bad is entirely up to you. There's only one way to find out — try it! 

Research suggests that using sex toys can make your relationship even better both in and out of the bedroom. One study showed that nearly half of all couples who use vibrators said they frequently communicate, while just over a quarter of couples who don't use sex toys reported the same.

In general, giving sex toys a try is a wonderful idea. Each situation is different. For some people, having penetrative sex is painful, so using toys opens up a whole new world of sexy possibilities. For others, it makes it easier to orgasm, brings the partners closer together, or spices things up and keeps them interesting. 

How to Pick Sex Toys as a Couple

sex toys for couples

One of the best ways to pick sex toys as a couple is to go shopping together. These days, you don't even have to leave your couch or put on pants. Just point your browser to your favorite sex toy shop and take a look. Shopping together, whether it's in person or online, allows both partners to feel included in the buying experience. Plus, it can build up anticipation for the sexy moment when you use the toy together.

For your first sex toy, pick something that makes you feel comfortable. You may not want to choose the largest dildo you can find or something with many moving parts or complex accessories. A small to medium-sized dildo, simple vibrator or butt plug is an excellent way to get things rolling. It will give you an idea of what you like, and you can always upgrade later on.

The Best Sex Toys for Couples

The best sex toy differs for each couple, but here are some amazingly pleasurable recommendations:

  • JJ Touched: A vibrator your partner can wear on their finger to pleasure you wherever it feels best.

  • Focus: A super-focused vibe your partner can use on your nipples or clit (or anywhere) with six different head attachments.

  • Neptune 2: This toy is perfect for anal, prostate and perineum stimulation, leaving your hands (and other parts) free for other pleasurable acts.

  • Astra: This vibe is designed for people with penises. It can bring you to new heights of pleasure with hugging vibrations.

  • Kore: A cock ring with a powerful clitoral vibrator to make you both shiver and shake with delight.

What Type of Toy Is Best for People With Vaginas?

While everyone is different, people with vaginas often enjoy using a vibrator on the clit while getting penetrated. 

  • Form 2: Award-winning design for clitoral pleasure.

  • Love Pods Halo: Unique sex toy with swirling nubs powered by motors.

  • Apex: Try this toy everywhere. It has options for clitoral pleasure, anal love, G-spot stimulation and more.

What Type of Toy Is Best for People With Penises?

While all toys benefit everyone in a couple, guys may enjoy trying a cock ring, anal toys or a masturbation sleeve.

  • Arvos: Amazing masturbation sleeve with several choices for pattern and intensity.

  • Deimos: This cock ring with a clitoral vibe has a remote control for extra fun.

  • Ersa: This set of butt plugs starts small and goes bigger when you're ready. The grooves allow the lube to last longer.

What Are the Benefits to Using Sex Toys as a Couple?

how many couples use sex toys

There are so many great things about trying a sex toy. Not only will you explore new pleasurable avenues with the nearest and dearest person in your life, but you can also improve communication and create a more solid relationship. Trying new things in the bedroom can build trust. Plus, there's nothing to lose. Sex toys can never replace a real-life experience or body part. They only enhance your pleasure together.

Introducing toys into a relationship can be a lot of fun. However, just like anything in the bedroom, it requires communication. Exploring what you both like (and don't like) is part of the journey. Sex toys can be excellent in a relationship, but it's also about you and your partner's personal preferences. The only way you'll know if you like it is to try one out!

References

Nine facts that shed light on the big business of sex toys. BBC.

How to Bring Sex Toys Into the Bedroom Without It Being the Most Awkward. (September 2018). Self.

An Open Letter To All Those Guys Who Feel Emasculated By Sex Toys In Bed. (September 2017). Bustle.

Sex Toys More Common in Women in Relationships. (2004). WebMD.

How Sex Toys Really Affect Your Relationship. (November 2016). Bustle.

Your 6-Step Guide for Introducing Sex Toys Into Your Partnered Relationship. (June 2020). Well + Good.

How Sex Toys Impact Relationships. (May 2017). Psychology Today.

Sex IRL: We talked to 11 people who love using sex toys with their partners. (May 2020). Hello Giggles.

The Reason To Use Toys With Your Partner. (March 2017). Bustle.