Not Afraid Anymore - How To Be Sexually Confident?

 

Intimacy guide

What will I learn?

  • What Does it Mean to Be Sexually Confident?
  • Why Is It So Difficult to Be Sexually Confident in Today’s Society?
  • How Many People Suffer from Lack of Sexual Confidence?
  • What Can Sexual Confidence Look Like for Different People?
  • Products that Can Help You Be Sexually Confident
  • Tips to Help Anyone Learn How to Be Sexually Confident

When people think of sexual confidence, it’s common to think of someone who has a killer body and knows what to do in bed. But sexual confidence doesn’t come from your bra size or how many partners you’ve had.

Sexual confidence means different things to different people — but at its heart, it means you feel comfortable in your body, you know you deserve pleasure, and you’re not afraid to communicate what you want.

What Does it Mean to Be Sexually Confident?

Quick definition

What sexual confidence? It is a feeling that comes from a deep-seated realization of your worth. When you’re sexually confident, you feel good about your body — even if it’s not the body of a lingerie model. You know that you’re entitled to feel pleasure and joy.

What Does it Mean to Be Sexually Confident
What Does it Mean to Be Sexually Confident

What is sexual confidence?

It is a feeling that comes from a deep-seated realization of your worth. When you’re sexually confident, you feel good about your body — even if it’s not the body of a lingerie model. You know that you’re entitled to feel pleasure and joy.

You’re able to talk freely about what you like and don’t like sexually. You can listen to and respect the needs and desires of your partner. When you’re sexually confident, you’re able to set and accept boundaries.

Why Is It So Difficult to Be Sexually Confident in Today’s Society?

Our society is overwhelmingly sex-negative. It tells us constantly that sex is nasty and dirty. We are constantly bombarded with images of unrealistic body standards that make us feel worse about ourselves.

People with gender expressions, skin, and bodies that don’t fit the mainstream ideal are made to feel wrong or inadequate.

At the same time, we’re paradoxically told to be sexually confident and bold in the bedroom. These contradictory messages lead to feelings of shame and insecurity.

How Many People Suffer from Lack of Sexual Confidence?

sexual confident
sexual confident

According to one sex educator, most people lack sexual confidence. There are many reasons people don’t feel sexually confident, including:

  • Lack of sexual information. To get good at something, you have to educate yourself about it and develop skills.
  • The media gives you unrealistic body standards. We can’t all look like supermodels. Supermodels don’t even look like supermodels before they’re professionally made up and airbrushed.
  • It can be hard to ask for what you want. If you’re shot down or made to feel weird for expressing your vulnerability, that can make it even harder to retake a chance.
  • You have no way to compare your sexual skills. Pornography can give you or your partner an unrealistic view of what it means to be good at sex.

Read: Ethical Porn

Ethical Porn

What Can Sexual Confidence Look Like for Different People?

What Can Sexual Confidence Look Like for Different People
What Can Sexual Confidence Look Like for Different People

Sexual confidence will be different for everyone. Women are constantly bombarded with messages shaming them for being too sexual or not sexual enough. It’s a double standard and can be confusing and dangerous for women trying to claim sexual power. You need to figure out what sexual confidence means for you.

How can men and women learn how to feel sexually confident? Some tips on how to boost your sexual confidence outside of the bedroom include:

  • Hone your senses. Pay attention to what delights all of your reasons — including things that taste, feel, and smell decadent.
  • Push your boundaries. Experiment with your fantasies. While you may not want to explore all of them, thinking about the extreme fantasies can help you decide what you’re interested in trying in real life.
  • Find erotic role models. Don’t just look to mainstream sex idols. Think about crossing gender lines. What do you find sexy or compelling about them? Consider how you can add a bit of their spark to your life.
  • Be intentional with your body. Think about how you move through life. Taking Pilates or dance classes can help you explore and define how you move throughout the day.

Products that Can Help You Be Sexually Confident

Improve prostate and vaginal health by balancing testosterone levels, stimulating blood flow, natural lubrication, and heightening arousal with Good in Bed Men’s Blend and Good in Bed Women’s Blend, a natural, vegetarian supplement.

Sex can reduce stress, relieving the mental strain that focus entails but also causes neurochemical changes that aid in the physiological relaxation of the body. Sex reduces sensitivity to pain, reduces cramps, and can make chronic pain more tolerable. Regular sexual activity can even boost libido and make you more sexually confident. Here are some Sex Toys that will help you achieve that.

What Are Tips That Can Help Anyone Learn How to Be Sexually Confident?

Safety checklist

Quick Safety & Care Tips

Keep these essentials in mind for a safe and satisfying experience.

Spend some time getting to know yourself
Talk to your partner about what you enjoy in bed
Make a list of what you enjoy and what your boundaries are

If you’re interested in learning how to become more sexually confident, you should understand that it comes from a place of spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional balance. Confidence in the bedroom begins with confidence outside the bedroom. The more confidence you have in yourself, the more sexual confidence you’ll have. Try to do the following:

  • Spend some time getting to know yourself. Masturbate with just your imagination. Limiting external images will give you a chance to understand yourself and what pleases you. It’s easier to communicate what you want when you know what it is.
  • Talk to your partner about what you enjoy in bed. You should communicate with your partner without fear of shame or judgment. If you can’t be open with them about your sexuality, they may not be the best partner for you.
  • Make a list of what you enjoy and what your boundaries are. It may be easier to create boundaries before you’re in a situation where you need to set them.

Start by loving yourself. Until your relationship with yourself is correct, it won’t matter your relationships with others. You have to believe you are worthy before conveying that to others.

How to Practice Self-Love?

Read: How to Practice Self-Love?

Will Sexual Confidence Lead to Better Sex?

What Can Sexual Confidence Look Like for Different People
What Can Sexual Confidence Look Like for Different People

Becoming more sexually confident will naturally lead to better sex. When you improve sexual confidence, you learn to express your desires. You’ll also be more able to listen to your partner’s wants too. By practicing mindfulness and being fully present in your sexual experiences, you can bring yourself back to the moment.

True sexual confidence can also prevent you from making some sexual mistakes that can be devastating, including:

  • Having sex for the wrong reasons. If you lack confidence, you may feel that sex is all you have to offer.
  • Over sexualization. If you internalize society’s message that it’s your purpose to be sexually appealing, you may get your self-worth from your sexual performance.
  • Basing your esteem on external factors. If you seek validation from others instead of yourself, you put your self-worth in someone else’s hands.

What Are Some Books and Resources to Help With Sexual Confidence?

There are a lot of resources that can help show you how to feel sexually confident. Some of the top-rated books include:

  • Come as You Are (The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life) by Emily Nagoski
  • Feel Sexy Again: The Ultimate Guide to Reclaiming Your Sexual Confidence by Erica Lemke-Pembroke
  • The Self Confidence Workbook: A Guide to Overcoming Self-Doubt and Improving Self-Esteem by Barbara Markway Ph.D.

Suppose you have some more profound underlying trauma or other issues affecting your ability to develop your self-confidence or sexual confidence. In that case, you may benefit from seeking help from a therapist or sexologist.

Ready to Work on Becoming More Sexually Confident?

Becoming More Sexually Confident
Becoming More Sexually Confident

Growing up in today’s society — with all of the mixed messages about sex surrounding you daily — having some sense of sexual shame is inevitable. To overcome this and fully be sexually confident, you have to switch your mindset to sex-positivity. It can be not easy if you’re not familiar with thinking of yourself and your needs.

Despite what you may have been taught, owning your power and sexuality isn’t selfish or arrogant. You deserve to experience pleasure and to feel confident in your body.

Sources

Continue your journey

🔥 Guide
Baby, If It's Not Rough It Isn't Fun — What is rough sex?
Rough sex isn't easy to define.
🔥 Guide
What Are Sexual Fantasies and How Can You Bring Them Into Your Real Life?
Maybe you're dreaming solo.
🔥 Guide
When The Stars Align — What Is Sexual Compatibility?
This isn't always easy to explain, but it is crucial for your relationship.

Disclaimers

The information provided in this article is for general informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute for, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding sexual health or medical conditions. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read in this article.

If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the nearest emergency department, or call emergency services immediately.

Latest Stories

View all

Turn Up the Heat: 5 Best Vibrators for Couples to Explore Together

Turn Up the Heat: 5 Best Vibrators for Couples to Explore Together

  📖 5 min read 📅 Updated: March 4, 2026 👁️ 443 readers Vibrator guide What will I learn? Why Try a Vibrator Together? The Best Couple Vibrators How to Introduce Vibrators into Your Relationship Don’t Know Where to Start? Try the Bundle That Does It All TL;DR: Vibrators aren’t just for solo play. They can deepen connection, boost communication, and spice up your routine as a couple. Top picks for shared pleasure: Let’s set the record straight: vibrators aren’t just a solo act anymore. In fact, some of the best relationship moments happen when you hand your partner the remote (literally). Whether you're seasoned in the sheets or just starting to explore what turns you both on, bringing a toy into the mix can take things up a notch. So, what is the best vibrator for couples? Well, it depends on your vibe. From wearable toys that move with you to buzz-worthy bullets perfect for hands-on play, we’re breaking down our top picks for exploring together. Ready to turn up the heat? Let’s dive in. Why Try a Vibrator Together? Adding a vibrator into the mix isn’t about replacing anything—it’s about enhancing what you already have. Exploring toys together opens the door to deeper communication, shared curiosity, and yes, mind-blowing pleasure. It’s also a great way to discover fantasies you didn’t know you had (or were too shy to bring up). A well-placed buzz can unlock conversations and moments that bring you even closer, even outside the bedroom. The Best Couple Vibrators Evoke® Du-o Vibrating Massage Wheel This toy blends massage and vibration in a sleek wheel form, letting you glide it over skin (and curves) with control in both hands. How to use it together: Body mapping date: Take turns guiding the wheeled buzz over each other’s bodies—backs, thighs, necks. Explore “sweet spots” you didn’t even know were there. Synchronize rhythm with penetration: Use the Du-o on one partner’s sensitive areas while you’re having intercourse. The vibration can heighten sensations for both. Mirror play: Both of you use it on yourselves in front of a mirror or switch sides so you can see each other’s faces as those waves hit. Astra® Automatic Male Masturbator Don’t be fooled, this male masturbator isn’t just for solo play. For couples, it opens up possibilities for shared control, teasing, and synchronized pleasure. How to use it together: Tease & reward: Use light touching, kisses, or distraction while the Astra is doing its thing, then switch roles or bring in other toys. Mutual stimulation: The non-Astra partner can use hands, bullets, or external vibes on their own body while the Astra does its work—so both partners have something happening. Kore™ C-Ring with Remote Kore is a vibrating C‑ring (cock ring) that delivers stimulation to both partners. The strong vibration patterns add to the external stimulation to satisfy both your cravings. How to use it together: Wear-it-during penetration: The partner wearing it gets constriction plus vibration; the other partner will feel the vibration on internal or external contact points. Remote teasing: Let your partner sneak in vibration with a handy remote control while you’re doing something else, so you carry teasing anticipation to the bedroom. Rhythm play: Match your movements to the vibration pulses, switching tempo, thrusting, or pausing in sync with the toy. Chroma™ Mini Bullet (Teal) Tiny but mighty. This is one of the best bullet vibrators for couples because it packs a big punch in a tiny package. How to use it together: Added stimulation during sex: Slide it into positions where it can stimulate the clitoris, perineum, or inner thighs during penetration. Oral accompaniment: One partner holds the bullet while giving oral; adjust pressure and placement as they react. Teasing switcheroo: Use it for solo stimulation first, then hand over or share the control—swap who’s doing the “driving.” Ascend® 3 Palm Vibrator This one is designed to be held in the palm, giving you tactile control while maintaining eye contact and closeness. It’s ideal for guiding your partner’s pleasure while feeling grounded in touch. How to use it together: Palm-guided pleasure: You hold it and guide it directly to the other’s erogenous zones—labia, perineum, inner thighs—letting them feel your intention in every buzz. Face-to-face connection: Because your hand is occupied, your other hand is free to stroke, caress, or explore their body while you maintain gaze and verbal feedback. Switch-hold play: Take turns holding it on each other, so you alternate who’s in charge of where the vibration goes. Couple intimate in the bedroom How to Introduce Vibrators into Your Relationship Let’s be real—bringing up sex toys with a partner can feel a little vulnerable at first. But it doesn’t have to be a big talk. Sometimes all it takes is a simple, playful nudge:“What if we tried this tonight?” Start from a place of curiosity, not criticism. You’re not saying, “Something’s missing,” you’re saying, “Let’s have even more fun.” That’s sexy in itself. Here are a few tips to make your first foray feel exciting—not intimidating: Start slow. Choose something unintimidating (like a bullet or palm vibe) and play around together with no pressure to "perform." Think of it as an experiment with pleasure. Laugh through the awkward. Seriously, if something slips, buzzes in the wrong place, or makes a weird noise—laugh. It’s part of the fun. Awkwardness doesn’t kill intimacy; fear of it does. Let curiosity lead. Try the toy on your hand or neck first. Explore different speeds and settings together. Let it spark questions and shared discoveries. Keep the conversation open. Check in before, during, and after: “How did that feel for you?” or “Do you want to try the other setting next time?” Don’t Know Where to Start? Try the Bundle That Does It All Why settle for one of these toys when you can have all of the best vibrators for couples on hand? The Pleasure Your Mate Bundle is your all-in-one intro kit for couples’ play. It takes the guesswork out of choosing and gives you a curated selection of best-in-class vibes to explore together. Here’s what makes it so good: Built for two: Everything inside is designed with couples in mind—no awkward guesswork, just great options for mutual pleasure. Something for every mood: Want hands-free? Intimate massage? Teasing vibrations? This bundle’s got you. Beginner-friendly + deeply satisfying: Whether it’s your first toy or your fiftieth, these pieces are versatile enough to please any dynamic. Shop the bundle or explore more of the best couple vibrators from JIMMYJANE. Continue your journey 🔥 Guide 5 Reasons Why You Should Try A Double Penetration Orgasm Double penetration is when a person simultaneously penetrates two of their orifices (vagina, anus, or mouth). ✨ Tips Pulse and Pleasure: 10 Best Clit Vibrators Worth Every Penny Discover our picks for the pulse and pleasure: 10 best clit vibrators worth every penny. 📖 Guide Anal Vibrator Guide Curious about anal vibrators but nervous to try. Disclaimers The information provided in this article is for general informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute for, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding sexual health or medical conditions. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read in this article. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the nearest emergency department, or call emergency services immediately. 📌 Quick navigation Jump to section... Introduction Why Try a Vibrator Together? The Best Couple Vibrators How to Introduce Vibrators into Your Relationship Don’t Know Where to Start? Try the Bundle That Does It All Continue Your Journey

Read more about Turn Up the Heat: 5 Best Vibrators for Couples to Explore Together

Woman relaxing in a bathtub, holding a pink waterproof luxury personal massager by JIMMYJANE

Waterproof Sex Toys: How to Use Vibrators in the Bath or Shower

Turn your bath or shower into a full-body orgasm zone with waterproof sex toys that are actually safe. Discover which vibrators can go underwater, how to use them, and the best JIMMYJANE toys for wet-and-wild pleasure.

Read more about Waterproof Sex Toys: How to Use Vibrators in the Bath or Shower

Anal Vibrator Guide

Anal Vibrator Guide

Curious about anal vibrators but nervous to try? This beginner-safe guide explains how to use an anal vibrator with lube, hygiene, and step-by-step tips for powerful orgasms, prostate pleasure, and comfortable backdoor play.

Read more about Anal Vibrator Guide