Star Crossed or Spark Lost? How to Know if Someone is Your Soulmate

Poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge is often credited with the first use of the word soulmate, which he wrote in a letter in 1822. But well before Coleridge was alive, Plato wrote about soulmates in his essay, “Symposium.” The ancient Greek poet Aristophanes wrote about his belief that Zeus had split each soul in half and that the two souls yearned to be reunited.

Over the years, the idea of marrying someone due to romantic love — versus status, power, or stability — has gone in and out of fashion, but the idea of soulmates has stuck around. Today, two-thirds of Americans believe in soulmates to some extent.

Some believe that a true soulmate is to feel love at first sight.

Others think it takes time to know that someone is your soulmate. Let’s explore these beliefs and more.

What Are Soulmates?

how to know if someone is your soulmate

Experts define soulmates in different ways, but most seem to agree that soulmates are people you deeply connect with at an emotional level, can overcome adversity with, and are meant to be with. 

Those same experts caution that while the idea of a soulmate can bring people hope, it can also bring people unrealistic expectations. Even soulmates will have disputes about money, parenting, in-laws, and more. But when you’re with your soulmate, you know you can work through those differences. 

Are Soulmates Real?

To believe that soulmates are real, you first have to believe in souls. That’s not something that science can help you with — it’s something you must determine for yourself. What is clear is that some people seem to connect better than others. Compared to other connections, these connections may be:

  • Better able to weather disagreements
  • Deeper
  • Harder to describe
  • More instantaneous

For many people, these types of deep connections are with what they call soulmates — and regardless of whether you believe in souls, these connections are genuine. 

What Are the Different Types of Soulmates?

romantic soulmate

For some people, the belief in a soulmate is the idea of finding the other half of their soul — one person who “completes” them. Other people may wonder, “Can you have more than one soulmate?” The truth is that there are different types of soulmates. Some can be found in your deepest-forged friendships, while others feel like a once-in-a-lifetime meeting with destiny. 

The Romantic Soulmate

When most people talk about soulmates, this is what they’re referring to — a romantic partner who is the right match for them and with whom they can form a lifelong relationship.

Some people believe that you can only have one romantic soulmate. In contrast, others think it’s possible to lose one soulmate and find another or even have two simultaneous ideological soulmates in a polyamorous relationship

The BFF Soulmate

These soulmates aren’t romantic partners. They’re friends who feel so close that you may wonder if you’re secretly siblings who were separated at birth. These are the friends who seem to “get” you — who can answer questions you haven’t found the words to ask or who give the perfect advice at the very moment you need it. 

The Mirror Soulmate

These soulmates are teachers to help you through a difficult season in your life. They’re called mirror soulmates because they reflect your needs at you — whether that means having been through a similar experience that you’re going through, or they know the right things to say to help you through that time in your life. 

The Past Life Soulmate

man soulmate couples

If you’ve ever met someone and felt instantly connected — like they’re someone you’ve known your whole life — that’s what would be described as a past life soulmate. Some people believe that the two of you shared a relationship of some sort in a previous lifetime.

Past life soulmates can be romantic, BFF, or mirror soulmates. You can have many of them throughout your lifetime.

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The Twin Souls Soulmate

Some people believe that it is split into two parts when a soul is formed. These two parts grow into two different people. When you meet the other half of your soul, there’s an instant draw to them, as your souls yearn to reunite as one. These are twin soulmates — and for people who believe in this type of soulmate. 

What Are the Early Signs that Someone May Be Your Soulmate? 

Early after meeting someone, you may wonder if they could be your soulmate. Look for these early signs, or pre-signs, that you may have found a soulmate: 

  • The connection feels different from connections you’ve had in the past.
  • You feel calm when you talk to them.
  • You have the same values.
  • You want to be with them often.

How Do You Know If You’ve Found Your Soulmate?

You’ve met someone, and all the pre-signs they may be your soulmate are there. But how do you know if someone is your soulmate, for real?

There’s no scientific way to prove that someone is your soulmate, but there are some signs that you have indeed found your soulmate: 

  • They’ve seen you at your worst and continue to love and accept you.
  • When you disagree, you look for ways to compromise or otherwise work through your disagreements.
  • Where you differ, you balance each other out.
  • You feel you can be 100% yourself with this person.
  • You think you can talk to them about anything.
  • Your goals and values align.
  • You have things in common.
  • You’ve seen them at the worst and love them anyway.

Do Soulmates Always End up Together?

soulmates together

Soulmates don’t always end up together. Some soulmates, especially mirror soulmates, are only supposed to last a season. Other relationships with soulmates are meant to last forever. But even if you’ve found your soulmate, there are reasons you may not end up together or may not last forever. Soulmates may exist, but perfect doesn’t.

Read: What Is Considered a Healthy Sex Life?

Real-life is messy and hard to account for. For soulmates to end up together, both parties have to be willing to work in the relationship and grow through hard times. It’s also true that if you never leave your house or interact with other people, you can’t find your soulmate.

To determine how to find your soulmate:

  1. Look at your life and values, and then go to places where people with those same values gather.

  2. If you spend a lot of time playing video games, don’t go to a bar — go to a gaming convention.

  3. If you’re deeply religious, try going to events your church hosts. If you don’t put yourself out there, you won’t find your soulmate. 

Does Everyone Have a Soulmate? 

With an estimated 7.9 billion people living on this planet, it’s easy to believe that there’s someone for everyone.

Finding that special someone may come at the moment you least expect it. The key is to keep your eyes and heart open to the chance of finding your soulmate. And if you’re looking to connect, you may need to push yourself to attend more events with people who care about the things you care about and enjoy the items you want.


What’s Behind the Belief in a Soulmate?. (May 2019). Institute for Family Studies.

Most Want a Partner Like Them. (February 2017). Monmouth University. 

How Relationship Experts Define The Word ‘Soulmate’. (March 2019). HuffPost. 

Current World Population. (May 2021). Worldometers. 

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