Every penis-owning person imagines lasting longer in bed. Men entertain visions of being their partner's all-time best lover and giving them hours of mind-blowing pleasure.
The best part? There are plenty of ways for people with penises to keep an erection longer and extend the amount of time they (and their partner) can enjoy a sex session. Read on for tips and tricks on how to last longer in bed.
How Long Can the Average Penis Owner Have Sex Before Ejaculating?
A recent study of men having heterosexual penetrative sex showed that the length of sex (from penetration to ejaculation) ranged from 33 seconds up to 44 minutes. The average was 5.4 minutes. That's quite a range! So, what's "normal"?
Sex therapists suggest the following general guidelines:
- Under 3 minutes is "too short" and might warrant medical concern
- 3-7 minutes is "adequate."
- 7-13 minutes is "desirable."
- Over 13 minutes can be "too long" for some partners
However, it is interesting to note that a 2020 study suggested the average duration of penetrative sex for a woman to achieve an orgasm is around 13.4 minutes.
What Are Some Exercises That Can Help You Last Longer in Bed?
Penis owners might find that masturbating can help them last longer when they have sex with a partner by releasing built-up sexual tension.
Also, though most people think that pelvic floor exercises like Kegels are for people with vaginas, they are helpful for penis owners, too. Strengthening your pubococcygeal (PC) muscles can help extend your stamina during sex. Imagine "lifting your nuts to your guts" or "shortening your penis," says Dr. Sandra Hilton, PT, DPT, at Entropy Physiotherapy and Wellness in Chicago, Illinois. Flex your PC muscles, and hold for 10 seconds before releasing. Repeat this in sets of 10.
Experts also suggest that being in good overall shape and having flexibility can improve your sex sessions, too. Weightlifting, cardiovascular exercise, yoga, and Pilates can all help contribute to a comprehensive level of fitness that can, in turn, improve the longevity of your erections. Being in good health, not smoking, and having a healthy body weight will set you up for long-lasting success (in life and in the sack).
Techniques To Last Longer During Sex
There are a few approaches that penis owners can take during sex to help prolong the experience and delay orgasm. One popular technique is called "edging" and involves getting close to orgasm and then stopping all activity. Also called "surfing," "peaking," or "teasing," this method has been around since the mid-1950s as a way to help delay ejaculation. (And yeah, the guy who wrote the first paper on it was named Dr. Semans. Go figure.)
The technique involves stimulating yourself until just before ejaculation and then stopping for 30 full seconds, or until the feeling of near-orgasm subsides. Then, return to sexual activity — this practice acts as biofeedback and helps you gain understanding and control over ejaculation.
Some people with penises find that squeezing just below the head of the penis right before orgasm can help them prolong the time before ejaculation. This pressure reduces the blood flow in the penis and can help prolong an erection before orgasm.
When having sex with a partner, you might find that certain positions can help prolong your sexual activity before ejaculation. Mostly horizontal positions — spooning, lying face-to-face, etc. — can lessen the contact to the most sensitive parts of the penis. This can help delay orgasm, too. Alternatively, rotating through different positions can help lengthen your sex sesh, as well as take a short break between pleasurable sensations.
Products That Can Help You Last Longer in Bed
There are various products that penis owners can use to help their erections last longer, too.
- Condoms can help with stamina because they can decrease the intensity of sensitivity of your penis during sex.
Desensitizing sprays and wipes have a gentle numbing formula that you can apply to your penis to reduce sensitivity.
- Desensitizing lubricants similarly contain a numbing agent like lidocaine or benzocaine.
These products reduce the intensity of sensation on your penis, meaning that it takes more time and stimulation to reach the point of orgasm. Exercise caution when using agents that decrease your success, though — it's essential to stay in touch with your body during sex and ensure that you don't cause injury.
- Penis rings can help extend the duration of an erection by gently restricting blood flow to your penis.
Incorporating other luxury sex toys can also help extend your intimate time with a partner. Consider exploring toys that can provide pleasure focused on your partner — this break in your stimulation can help draw out the length of your romp, too!
Tackling Performance Anxiety
If you experience a psychological aspect of finishing too quickly, a few approaches help you stay focused and last longer. Practicing meditation can help reduce anxiety and improve focus. Learning breathing techniques or simply focusing on taking slow, even breaths can lower your heart rate and help increase your orgasm control.
Additionally, it almost always helps to communicate your concerns with your partner. They will likely be sympathetic and want to help, or you may feel less anxiety after simply letting them know how you're feeling.
Of course, you can always seek professional help with a therapist if these techniques don't seem to help. Many therapists specialize in sex therapy and can assist you as you explore and address any anxiety or other issues that you're working through.
Medications to Last Longer in Bed
Your doctor can prescribe a handful of medications to help delay orgasm, though none of them are specifically designed to do so. Most of them are in antidepressants and can come with side effects on your mood, energy, and more. It's important to discuss using any of these with your doctor before trying them to help extend your stamina in the bedroom.
There are a few resources for holistic or natural options, though none of them have been studied rigorously and should be used with caution. Some penis owners have found help through acupuncture and meditation. Some products rely on herbal blends, including yohimbine, Korean red ginseng, Epimedium, and ginkgo Biloba. These haven't been tested like traditional medications, so be sure to do some research and proceed using them with caution.
Ultimately, if these techniques and products aren't helpful, the best course of action is to speak to your doctor.
At Last...The End
Most men want to provide a long, satisfying, steamy session with their partner. If you're finding that the action is over too quickly, there are plenty of ways you can work on extending your endurance in bed. Try different methods until you find what works for you. Overall, health, mindfulness, and communication about sex can go a long way toward living up to your (and your partner's) wildest dreams!
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Canadian and American sex therapists' perceptions of normal and abnormal ejaculatory latencies: how long should intercourse last? (May 2008). The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Time to Orgasm in Women in a Monogamous Stable Heterosexual Relationship. (April 2020) The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
How to Increase Sexual Stamina: 45 Tips to Improve Strength, Endurance, and Technique. (October 2018). Healthline.
12 Ways to Last Longer in Bed. (July 2020). Men's Health.
What techniques can help a person last longer in bed? (September 2020). Medical News Today.
A Guide to Mastering Orgasm Control for More Satisfying Sex. (February 2019). Healthline.
Premature Ejaculation: A New Approach by James H. Semans. (April 1956). The Southern Medical Journal.
19 Ways to Make Sex Last Longer. (September 2020). Cosmopolitan.
What are some of the top sprays for premature ejaculation?. (October 2020). Medical News Today.
Sexual Health Awareness Month: Lube 101. (September 2017). Callen-Lorde Clinic.
Mindfulness-Based Group Therapy for Men With Situational Erectile Dysfunction: A Mixed-Methods Feasibility Analysis and Pilot Study. (October 2018). The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Premature ejaculation. (January 2021). Mayo Clinic.