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What Are Sexual Fantasies and How Can You Bring Them Into Your Real Life?

 

Intimacy guide

What will I learn?

  • What Is a Sexual Fantasy?
  • Is It Normal to Have Sexual Fantasies?
  • Does Everyone Have Sexual Fantasies?
  • Are Sexual Fantasies Healthy?
  • When Do Sexual Fantasies Become Dysfunctional or Unhealthy?
  • Why Do People Have Sexual Fantasies?

It's normal — even healthy — to fantasize. Imagination is a positive force in many areas of our lives, and our sex lives are no exception.

Maybe you're dreaming solo. Or perhaps you're looking to share your fantasies with someone else or even act them out. Either way, stories are 100% kosher as long as you hold to three major principles:

Keep those three in your head, and enjoy the fantasies that pop up — guilt-free.

Even if your sexual fantasy isn't the most common, you're in good company. And it can be advantageous to share your fantasies with someone else.

Read on for answers to sexual fantasy FAQs, starting with defining what sexual fantasies are. You'll also find a little how-to on talking about and enacting popular stories.

What Is a Sexual Fantasy?

Put simply. Sexual fantasy is any image or idea that arouses you. These fantasies can be vague or full of detail.

sexually aroused arouses you

what is a sexual fantasy
what is a sexual fantasy

They can either be grounded in your real love life or downright impossible. You could fantasize about your partner's touch or about an orgy that takes place on a dimension-traveling spaceship with aliens.

Even if theoretically possible, not all sexual fantasies are sexual desires, i.e., things you want to try.

Is It Normal to Have Sexual Fantasies?

Yes. It's not only normal — it's common.

Does Everyone Have Sexual Fantasies?

No. While it's normal to have sexual fantasies, it's also okay not to fantasize. For example, some individuals on the asexuality spectrum have thoughts with an erotic charge, but others do not.

Are Sexual Fantasies Healthy?

Sexual fantasies contribute to multiple areas of your life. They can jumpstart your brain, increase your self-esteem, and benefit your relationship.

Boost Brainpower

A recent study discovered that sexual fantasy engages the analytical part of our brain. A good old-fashioned daydream may be just the thing to prepare you to focus and tackle some challenging problems.

Improve Self-Image

Your fantasy life gives you the freedom to explore different parts of yourself. People often change their sexual fantasies, adopting traits they admire in real life.

Rock Your Relationship

You can make your relationship stronger just by fantasizing about your mate. Doing so increases your desire for them in real life. In addition, these sexual fantasies seem to lead to behavior that promotes the relationship instead of harming it.

When Do Sexual Fantasies Become Dysfunctional or Unhealthy?

When Do Sexual Fantasies Become Dysfunctional or Unhealthy
When Do Sexual Fantasies Become Dysfunctional or Unhealthy

First of all, sexual fantasies should never lead you to neglect any of the big three — consent, safety, and respect.

Sexual fantasies can be dysfunctional when they're linked to compulsive sexual behavior. Warning signs include:

  • Out-of-control urges or behaviors that take up much of your time
  • Difficulty sustaining healthy relationships
  • Using sex as an escape from other mental health issues
  • Engaging in sexual behavior that has severe consequences

If you're worried about compulsive sexual behavior, speak to a medical professional.

Why Do People Have Sexual Fantasies?

There are many reasons that people indulge in a little mental recreation. Some of the most popular reasons include:

  • The desire to become sexually aroused
  • Sexual curiosity
  • Unfilled sexual needs
  • The desire to escape from reality
  • Socially taboo sexual desires
  • A plan for a future sexual engagement

The motivation for sexual fantasy comes from various places and can change by the hour. Sometimes, people fantasize out of simple boredom.

Should You Act On Your Sexual Fantasy?

gay sexual fantasy
gay sexual fantasy

First, let's assume that your sexual fantasy is possible (although cosplay makes alien orgies a little more attainable).

It's also essential to adhere to local laws. These statutes often exist to protect people from unwanted touch, invasions of privacy, or unwanted displays.

Safety matters. Don't abandon safer sex practices. Anything that could inflict physical or mental damage should be kept to the imagination.

Once you've established that your fantasy is possible, legal, and safe, it's time to ask yourself whether this is a desire or just fun to think about. You may like the idea of something that would make you uncomfortable in real life.

Still game? Then you might be ready to talk about your fantasies with a consenting partner.

How to Talk About Sexual Fantasies

Discussing your innermost desires can be scary. It's a conversation that requires a certain amount of trust. When you've reached that level of comfort, here are a few tips that can help you have a productive conversation.

  • Identify your goal in sharing this fantasy. Do you want to incorporate it into your dirty talk, watch porn together, try to make it happen, or do something else entirely?

  • Don't put pressure on your partner. They may not be ready — now or ever — to go on this journey with you. Listen to their reservations with empathy and understanding.

  • Talking to a therapist first may help — particularly if you're nervous about the nature of your fantasy.

  • Remember that sexual fantasies are normal.

How to Try Out Sexual Fantasies

sexual fantasy how to prepare
sexual fantasy how to prepare

Excitement is good — and careful planning will only enhance your anticipation as you set yourself up for the best experience possible.

Do your research when trying something new. Look into how to perform the activity safely and to everyone's satisfaction.

Establish boundaries and clear channels of communication. Talk beforehand, during, and after the encounter. Have a safe word so that any participant can call things off at any time.

Take things slowly. There's no rush. Besides, amazing sex should be savored!

Sex Toys to Fulfill Sexual Fantasies

Having an incredible sex drive and diverse desires, just because other people have different fantasies. Everyone is welcome to be a freak in the sheets behind closed doors.

You need to find what feels suitable for your personality and do it more often. If that means experimenting with different luxury sex toysdo it

You Are Not Alone

Or maybe you are, in a strictly literal sense, but you have nothing to be ashamed about. Sexual fantasies are normal and healthy.

Again, remember the big three:

  • Consent
  • Safety
  • Respect

With those in place, enjoy the fruits of your imagination. You've earned it.

References:

The Difference Between a Sexual Fantasy and a Sexual Desire. (April 2021). Sex & Psychology.

Sexual fantasy and masturbation among asexual individuals. (August 2014). The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality.

How Fantasies Affect Focus. (March 2020). Scientific American.

What your sexual fantasies say about you. (October 2018). CNN.

Compulsive sexual behavior. (Visited April 2021). MAYO CLINIC.

Why Do People Have Sexual Fantasies?. (August 2018). Psychology Today.

More than one flavour: University students’ specific fantasies, interests, and experiences. (August 2019) The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality.

Our 7 Most Common Sexual Fantasies. (November 2019). Psychology Today.

Actually Realistic Advice for How to Share Your Sexual Fantasies. (August 2019). SELF.

The 7 Most Common Sexual Fantasies and What to Do About Them. (October 2019). Healthline. 

Continue your journey

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Rough sex isn't easy to define.
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This isn't always easy to explain, but it is crucial for your relationship.

Disclaimers

The information provided in this article is for general informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute for, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding sexual health or medical conditions. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read in this article.

If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the nearest emergency department, or call emergency services immediately.

Sources

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