How To Talk Dirty: A Complete Guide to Dirty Talk for Beginners

Whether you're trying to take a new relationship to the next level or are looking for ways to spice up a current relationship, dirty talk can be a fun way to enhance communication between you and your partner while igniting your mutual lusts. For some people, dirty talk is a natural part of the sexual process, but for many more, knowing how to talk dirty is a skill that takes practice to get right. 

In this guide, we'll help you learn everything you need to know to start talking dirty with your partner and improve your sexual experience.

What Is "Dirty Talk" (and Why Try It)? 

Any time you talk with your partner in a sexy way to turn them (and yourself!) on, you're participating in dirty talk. Like so many other aspects of sex, the exact nature of dirty talk looks different for different people and different relationships. 

One reason to add a dirty talk to the list of tricks up your sleeve is that it can provide an opening for you to talk to your partner about what you like and don't like in the bedroom. Studies show that being afraid to talk about sex can reduce the amount of fun you have during sex. Knowing how to talk dirty can help you overcome some self-imposed barriers you might have about communicating your sexual desires with your partner. It can make sex so much more pleasurable and satisfying as a result. 

Overcoming Embarrassment When Talking Dirty

dirty talk

When you first try talking dirty, you may feel a bit silly or embarrassed. That's totally normal! 

One of the best ways to overcome your embarrassment about talking dirty is to jump into the deep end and make yourself do it. The more you say certain words and phrases, the more comfortable you'll feel about it. Still, it's OK to start small. On the low end of the crass-ometer, these words and phrases can be a comfortable place to start your dirty talk journey:

  • I want you
  • I need you
  • Yes
  • More 
  • Do that again
  • That feels amazing! 

Once you get used to opening up a dialogue around sex — and once you realize that your partner responds well to what you're saying — you can start adding more. However, while knowing the correct terminology for your body parts is excellent when you're talking to a doctor, there's nothing sexy about saying, "I want you to insert your penis into my anus." 

Slang is the solution to this problem, allowing you to be specific without sounding like your high school sex-ed instructor. The key is to be sure that your meaning is still clear and adult. Though you may be comfortable saying "pee-pee," having grown up with that word, you can bet that your partner doesn't want to hear that in the bedroom. Similarly, the term "foofy" may seem cute, but it doesn't do you any good if your partner can't tell whether that means butt or vagina.

dirty talk sex

To help you learn how to talk dirty, we've compiled some of the most common slang terms for your body parts. These words are mature enough for consenting adults to use but not textbook-level technical. Try them out to see what works best for you! 

Instead of "Vagina"

  • Vag
  • Vajayjay
  • Pussy
  • Cunt
  • Flower
  • Peach

Instead of "Breasts"

  • Boobs
  • Tits
  • Melons

Instead of "Penis" 

  • Dick
  • Cock
  • Member
  • Tool
  • Schlong
  • Shaft

Instead of "Testicles"

  • Balls
  • Nuts
  • Bollocks
  • Testes

Instead of "Buttocks"

  • Ass
  • Butt
  • Booty
  • Bottom
  • Rear
  • Badonkadonk

Because many of these words are too crass for day-to-day language, using them for the first time can feel uncomfortable. You may have to say a phrase like "I want your cock” many times before it begins to feel natural. Other words may never feel OK to you – and that's OK, too. It's also essential that you and your partner are on the same page. If you're comfortable saying "booty," for example, but this word is a huge turnoff for your partner, you'll want to settle on a different word — one you're both comfortable with. 

Talking Dirty in Different Circumstances

dirty talk and sex toys

Dirty talk isn't just for the bedroom. With technology, you can talk dirty to your partner even when you're not in the same space. This can be a form of foreplay if you're going to be seeing the other person later that day, or it can be used to stay connected when you can't be together physically. 

One important safety tip for when you're going to be talking dirty with your partner outside the bedroom is to make sure they're comfortable with it and that you flag your content in some way. Agree on a code to use, like "Is it a good time?" or "Are you alone?" This can keep you from ending up in an uncomfortable situation where you start talking dirty only to find out that your partner has you on speakerphone or has their phone out where their boss can see whatever texts you're sending.

Once you have a system in place, you can get started talking dirty in all sorts of different ways. You can also use luxury sex toys to turn things a little bit spicier during your dirty talk. Here are some tips to get you started! 

While Texting

The great thing about texting is that it's short, snappy, and to the point. Keep in mind, however, that you can't enhance your texts with an inflection. "I can't wait to see you later" could be sexy, but it could just be a way of saying you miss the other person. (And, no, adding a wink emoji doesn't make your intent any clearer.) 

To keep ambiguity to a minimum, be as specific as possible. Instead of "I can't wait to see you later," something like "I can't wait to have you tonight, bent naked over the bed" or "I can't wait to cover you in massage oil" will let your partner know exactly what you mean.  

Via Email 

When you email your partner, you have a lot more space for communicating with them. Take advantage of that! One way is to write a narrative of precisely what you plan to do with them later that night (or what you want them to do with you). 

Email is also a great space for linking to other things on the web and can be a comfortable (but sexy!) place for discussing boundaries and interests. For example, you could send your partner a link to a butt plug and say, "I was thinking of buying this. What do you think?" This gives your partner space to say anything from "Yeah, let's do it!" to "Sounds great … if we're using it on you" or "Maybe not a butt plug … but what do you think about one of these vibrators instead?" 

On the Phone

The key to talking dirty on the phone is starting slow and building up to the main event. There's a reason why "What are you wearing?" is such a famous starting phrase for phone sex. You'll want to start at the beginning, engage in some verbal foreplay, and culminate in a climax, painting a picture with your words. 

If your partner is nervous about phone sex, help them out by asking questions. Saying something like, "What do you think? Should I take my underwear off or leave it on?" engages the other person naturally and easily. 

Have Fun and Be Yourself

dirty talk for beginners

There are always going to be hiccups when you are learning how to talk dirty with your partner. Occasionally you'll say something that will embarrass you, them, or both of you. That's OK! Learn to laugh at yourself and move on from the situation. As long as you're having fun and improving your communication with your partner, being comfortable with a dirty talk will come! 

References:

An examination of predictors of nonverbal and verbal communication of pleasure during sex and sexual satisfaction. (August 2012). Journal of Social and Personal Relationships

Let's talk sex: The science of your brain on dirty talk. (February 2020). Big Think. 

OO-ER Making sex noises actually HELPS you orgasm, experts say. (May 2019). The Sun.  

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