Did I get your attention yet? In this article we will discuss how to massage the p-spot, the associated medical benefits and last, but certainly not least, how to enhance orgasms by using the p-spot.
Relationship attachment styles: what do they mean, and why do they matter?
In order to truly understand your partner, it’s important to understand their attachment style, especially when you're early in the process of looking for a partner.
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7 min read
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Updated: March 4, 2026
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Women guide
What will I learn?
What Is the Orgasm Gap?
What's Causing the Orgasm Gap?
"It's Just More Difficult for Women"
Mainstream Porn Neglects Women's Pleasure
Women's Pleasure Is Still Treated as Optional
How Can We Close the Orgasm Gap?
What Is the Orgasm Gap?
What's Causing the Orgasm Gap?
"It's Just More Difficult for Women"
Mainstream Porn Neglects Women's Pleasure
Women's Pleasure Is Still Treated as Optional
How Can We Close the Orgasm Gap?
Closing the the Orgasm Gap with Sex Toys
Plugin Author?
As if the pay gap between men and women weren't bad enough, there's an orgasm gap, too. For years, it's been a well-known fact that women climax less often than men during sex. And frankly, that's messed up.
The orgasm gap is an issue we've been circling for years, shrouded in societal taboos around sex and masturbation. But recently, we've started making progress toward closing it.
What Is the Orgasm Gap?
It isn't just an expression — there's scientific evidence that women have fewer orgasms during sex with men. In a 2018 study of over 1,000 heterosexual newlywed couples, 87 percent of men consistently reported orgasms during sex. That number for women — 49 percent.
Another study from 2014 shows a similar disparity: 85 percent of men involved in the study said they orgasmed consistently during sex, compared to just 63 percent of women. Yet another study from 2018 puts the numbers at 75 percent of men orgasming regularly, but only 33 percent of women.
So what gives?
Why is there such a vast disparity in people getting off during sex? And what can we do to fix it?
What's Causing the Orgasm Gap?
closing the orgasm gap
A multitude of factors come into play when talking about sex and orgasms. For one, all the above studies looked at penile-vaginal sex, which by its nature is much more likely to result in one-sided orgasms.
What Orgasms Can Help And Benefit You With
What Orgasms Can Help And Benefit You With
The numbers back this up. When homosexual women were surveyed, the number of people reporting regular orgasms jumped to 86 percent. That indicates the problem isn't that women can't get off — it's that men don't know the right way to do it.
homosexual women
"It's Just More Difficult for Women"
Despite society's gradual progress toward sex positivity, many myths around sex and orgasms keep screwing with our sex lives. One of the biggest? That the female orgasm is "elusive" and more difficult by nature to achieve.
Not only is this untrue, but it also makes the female orgasm sound like something David Attenborough is tracking through the wild. It isn't that female orgasms are hard to find. It's that we don't talk enough about the truth of women's pleasure to understand it genuinely.
Young white women with tatoos and nose ring in bubble bath with sex toy wand
Women are also — explicitly and implicitly — discouraged from exploring their bodies to learn what works for them. Sex and relationship expert Eleanor McKenzie put it this way in a 2020 interview with Insider:
"In my opinion, one particular thing is standing in the way of progress: there is a wide acceptance that teenage boys wank prolifically... It's treated as a joke, but it's accepted. Teenage girls, by contrast, are discouraged, both actively and subconsciously, from exploring masturbation and therefore learning about what gives them an orgasm."
Read: How To Be a Better Listener in a Relationship?
Again, the data backs this up. A study from 2017 reports a substantial masturbation gap between men and women. In the study, 25 percent of men surveyed said they masturbate every day compared to 8.7 percent of women. A full 20 percent of women said they'd never masturbated in their lives.
Articles promising "tips and tricks" to elicit the "elusive female orgasm" embed the (wrong) idea further in our minds that it's just more complicated for women to attain sexual pleasure. In reality, men and women take the same amount of time to orgasm during masturbation, according to data from the Kinsey Institute. That number? Just four minutes. If you're more of a visual learner, you can watch Professor Laurie Mintz's TED talk on the subject.
Read: What Is Considered a Healthy Sex Life?
If more men understood that most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and knew the anatomy of the clitoris itself, they'd be much better able to help their partner climax.
Mainstream Porn Neglects Women's Pleasure
Another driving force behind the orgasm gap is a lack of quality sex education coupled with the prevalence of porn. A combination that can create an unrealistic idea of sex in people's minds.
While more and more studios are creating porn focusing on women's pleasure and/or equal pleasure between men and women, most mainstream porn doesn't depict sex that way. Instead, the emphasis is placed almost solely on men's pleasure.
This kind of porn is often overblown, played for shock value, and shows men having an orgasm nearly every time. The men in these scenes get more oral sex than the women, for a more extended period of time, then jackhammer away until they get off, and the scene ends.
Sex educator Victoria Beltran described porn's role in our sex lives like this in an article on the orgasm gap for TED's website:
"Porn typically only depicts male orgasm, and much of it shows some violence against female partners. It absolutely can skew how some men view their women partners during the act of sexual intercourse — as a giver of pleasure, not a receiver. And women who view straight porn are also seeing the same thing."
Read: Everything you need to know about Ethical Porn
A skewed focus on men's pleasure and lack of understanding of women's bodies make for lousy sex. Many men don't understand that foreplay is important and that most women need it to orgasm.
Women's Pleasure Is Still Treated as Optional
woman orgasm
Because the conversation around sex — when we talk about it at all — has focused on men's pleasure for so long, women's pleasure is often treated as an optional extra. Yet, women are still expected to pleasure men.
Women feel more pressured to give sexual satisfaction on dates or in relationships, often forgoing their own. In the TED article, author Peggy Orenstein said she found women felt "entitled to engage in sexual behavior, but not necessarily to enjoy it" when she interviewed multiple women for her book Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape.
Orenstein said she had college-age women report, for example, that they gave a man oral sex at the end of a date because they felt pressure to provide satisfaction even if they didn't want to have sex.
How Can We Close the Orgasm Gap?
We're getting better at talking about sex as a society, but we've still got work to do if we're going to close the orgasm gap. And we should be working to close it. Everybody deserves a fulfilling and healthy sex life, full stop. So what can we do?
For starters, we have to acknowledge the problem. Men and women need to talk to one another about their sexual needs and desires. There needs to be an equal emphasis on women's pleasure and how their bodies attain that pleasure.
Sex education needs to include frank discussions of mutual pleasure and the importance of trust. Learning lessons like this early on can normalize consent and help everyone enjoy sex responsibly instead of feeling shame. "Boys have erections and ejaculations, and girls have an unwanted pregnancy," we need to widen the scope of the conversation.
We also need to have better education around porn. In and of itself, porn isn't a bad thing. But many people are exposed to it too young — usually by age 14 — to fully understand it for what it is: a performance. And it's often the first time they're introduced to sex.
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There's scripting, discussions of consent, and preparation going on behind the scenes. The actors consciously try to have sex in a way that looks good on camera, which doesn't usually line up with what's actually sexually satisfying.
Instead of ending with the (usually inadequate) sex education we get in school, our education should be ongoing. We should learn about our bodies, and our partner's bodies, and how they experience pleasure. If we consider our partner's pleasure as important as our own, both people will end up having better sex.
Seeking out credible sex education sources on our own will help us understand our bodies better. Men who educate themselves on women's anatomy can satisfy their partners better and more often. They're also better able to help a female partner understand their body if they're less experienced.
Read: Intimate Massage for Better Health and Stronger Orgasms
Masturbation is also great. Getting to know their bodies better by themselves, whether with their hands or toys like wands or vibrators, can give women a sense of agency over their sexual pleasure. They know what they like, and they can tell their partners how to get them off—a win-win.
Closing the the Orgasm Gap with Sex Toys
It's time to shake off the old, stubborn myths and puritanical beliefs we have about sex. Women's pleasure is essential. Men should know how a woman's body works and understand the importance of foreplay.
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Both men and women should be open to talking to one another and admitting when we don't know something — after all, we're not telepaths.
References
The Significance of the Female Orgasm: A Nationally Representative, Dyadic Study of Newlyweds' Orgasm Experience. (June 2018). The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Variation in orgasm occurrence by sexual orientation in a sample of U.S. singles. (November 2014). The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Differences in Orgasm Frequency Among Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Men and Women in a U.S. National Sample. (January 2018). Archives of Sexual Behavior.
Female sexuality and the 'orgasm gap' are coming to the forefront of conversations during worldwide lockdowns. (May 2020). Insider.
Sexual diversity in the United States: Results from a nationally representative probability sample of adult women and men. (July 2017). PLOS One.
Sexual Behavior in the Human Female. (1953). The Kinsey Institute.
A new sexual revolution for orgasm equality by Laurie Mintz. (July 2019). TED YouTube channel.
We need to talk about the orgasm gap — and how to fix it. (June 2019). TED website.
Unwanted and Wanted Exposure to Online Pornography in a National Sample of Youth Internet Users. (February 2007). Pediatrics.
Continue your journey
🔥 Guide
5 Reasons Why You Should Try A Double Penetration Orgasm
Double penetration is when a person simultaneously penetrates two of their orifices (vagina, anus, or mouth).
📖 Guide
Anal Vibrator Guide
Curious about anal vibrators but nervous to try.
📖 Guide
Bullet Vibrator Guide
Learn about different kinds of bullet vibrators, what to look for when buying bullet vibrators and how to use a bullet vibrator for the first time.
Disclaimers
The information provided in this article is for general informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute for, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding sexual health or medical conditions. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read in this article.
If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the nearest emergency department, or call emergency services immediately.
Sources
from 2014 shows
jumped to 86 percent
Variation in orgasm occurrence by sexual orientation in a sample of U.S. singles
Differences in Orgasm Frequency Among
Sexual diversity in the United States: Results from a nationally representative probability sample of adult women and men
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Quick navigation
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Introduction
What Is the Orgasm Gap?
What's Causing the Orgasm Gap?
"It's Just More Difficult for Women"
Mainstream Porn Neglects Women's Pleasure
Women's Pleasure Is Still Treated as Optional
How Can We Close the Orgasm Gap?
Closing the the Orgasm Gap with Sex Toys
References
Continue Your Journey
Sex is a great many things: exciting, fun, fulfilling, and rewarding. But having sex for the first time can feel a little intimidating. Learn how to prepare for your first time having sex.
Every aspect of the human experience is interconnected. Learn more about how these connections can affect mental health in this guide by Dr. Kate Balestrieri.
Even if you’ve got your getting-off routine down, who doesn’t like a little variety? Learn more about male masturbators and how they can change your world.
When it comes to personal lubricants, there are more choices now than ever before. Learn more about the best lubricants to keep sex fun and go all night.
Allow us to make a suggestion that will simplify things and please your partner — try giving a sensual massage to your beloved on Valentine's Day using intimate massage oil.
📖 5 min read 📅 Updated: March 4, 2026 👁️ 9 readers
Men guide
What will I learn?
Myth: Butt Plugs Are Only For Women
Fact: Lube Is Your Best Friend
Myth: You’re Going To Poop
Fact: You Should Limit Your Butt Plug Use To 2-3 Hours
Myth: It Is Going To Get Stuck Inside
Fact: Butt Plugs Are For All Levels
Ahhh the world of anal play. Although still viewed as a taboo by some, anal play is a great way to explore new things, feel new sensations and push your boundaries. Butt plugs are a great way to begin your exploration into the world of anal pleasure.
These toys are beginner friendly and come in a variety of shapes and sizes so you can find the perfect plug for you. We are here to share some tips and tricks while breaking down the myths.
As mentioned, there are a lot of misconceptions when it comes to anal play and the toys that come along with it. Let’s shatter those taboos and learn more so you can find your dream butt plug and finally explore your “back door”.
Myth: Butt Plugs Are Only For Women
Butt plugs are for anyone well, with a butt. Gender does not matter. The only difference between male and female anal play is the “spot” that is contributing to all that mind-blowing pleasure.
For men, the p-spot is the “feel good” target spot. The P-spot is located about 2 inches into the anus and is essentially your prostate gland.
the benefits of a prostate massage. Prostate Massage How To Have A Prostate Orgasm anal pleasure
Read more about the benefits of a prostate massage.
Butt plugs like the DIA are specifically designed to target the p-spot for targeted, toe curling pleasure. It is also a perfect plug for beginners of any gender.
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For the ladies, the “A-spot” is what contributes to your nerve chilling anal please. The “A-spot” is located approximately 5-6 inches into the anus. Although harder to reach than the p-spot, there are anal toys specifically designed to hit that perfect point. A sex toy like the Cissus is perfect for stimulating those harder to reach pleasure points while offering a variety of uses.
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Butt plugs also help with narrowing of the vaginal canal which may cause increased sensitivity and tension resulting in even more pleasure for you (and your partner). In general, the anus has TONS are nerve endings to explore making it perfect for all genders.
Read more about A Self-Pleasure Guide To Masturbation
Fact: Lube Is Your Best Friend
That’s right! Lube it up! Unlike the vagina, the anus does not produce a natural self-lubricant to keep things slippery and smooth for easy insertion. The rectum also includes delicate tissue that can tear unless lubricated properly.
Therefore, lube is so important especially for first time anal explorers. If you’re using a silicone-based toy, try a water-based lubricant. This ensures that it doesn’t break down the silicone of your toy. A great water-based lube to try is our JIMMYJANE Toy Lubricant.
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If you’re toy is not silicone based, try a silicone-based lubricant before insertion for long lasting fun (even in the tub!) We suggest our silicone-based lubricant, the JIMMYJANE Silicone Lubricant for hours of fun. Using lube allows for easier insertion of your butt plug and a pain free, stress free, orgasm filled experience.
Read more about What Type of Lube Should You Use for Sex?
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Myth: You’re Going To Poop
We have all heard this myth one or twice! For those who haven’t explored anal play before, it is natural to associate the feeling of “fullness” with the feeling of having to go number 2.
This is because your butt plug stimulates the same nerve endings that are triggered when you need to use the restroom. We know you may recognize that familiar feeling of pressure and get nervous but don’t stress! This does not mean you have to remove your plug and run to the nearest bathroom.
Try to relax and remember that it is just your nerve endings causing you to feel that way. It is also suggested that you take care of any potential bowl movements before inserting your toy to make the experience more enjoyable and washing between uses as well.
Read more about, How To Clean and Care for Every Type of Sex Toy?
Fact: You Should Limit Your Butt Plug Use To 2-3 Hours
We know what you try your first butt plug – you won’t want to stop!
Although it is generally safe for you to wear your butt plug for longer than the suggested 2-3 hours, we recommend listening to your body and not pushing yourself especially your first couple of experiences. Pay attention to any messages your body is sending you while you are wearing your butt plug and adjust accordingly.
Since your rectum does not have any pain receptors, it is easier to not realize something is wrong until it is too late. Therefore, it is also important to check in with your partner when exploring anal play together to better understand each other’s comfort levels and preference.
Read: Anal Vibrator Guide, for Strong Orgasms
Myth: It Is Going To Get Stuck Inside
Don’t freak out!
Your butt plug will not get stuck or go missing inside of you! Most butt plugs today are designed with a flared base that is designed for easy removal of your toy.
Just grab the base and slowly remove your toy. This flared base also prevents any accidents that may cause the butt plug to go too far. Butt plugs like our Diamanté Plug and Ario include fun bases that allow for easy, stress free, removal of your toy. We also recommend using lube as previously mentioned to ensure smooth and easy removal of your butt plug.
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Fact: Butt Plugs Are For All Levels
butt plugs
Butt plugs aren’t only for the experienced anal toy user. In fact, butt plugs are a great way to explore anal play and learn more about what you like and dislike.
We recommend starting with some “beginner friendly” butt plugs like our JimmyJane Ersa and limiting the duration of use until you know what works best for you.
Using lube will also help make your first experience smooth and stress free. Another great benefit of adding butt plugs to your sex toy collection is that it makes other anal toys easier to use!
When using your butt plug, it allows the sphincters to open up and stretch the anal canal. It also relaxes your anal muscles which can sometimes tighten especially when exploring something new. These both contribute to easier insertion for not only your butt plug but anything else you want to explore with while participating in anal play!
Read More __
Anal Sex 101
Anal Vibrator Guide
The Benefits of Prostate Massage
How to Safely Approach Anal Sex and Make it Less Painful?
Continue your journey
🔥 Guide
5 Reasons Why You Should Try A Double Penetration Orgasm
Double penetration is when a person simultaneously penetrates two of their orifices (vagina, anus, or mouth).
📖 Guide
Anal Vibrator Guide
Curious about anal vibrators but nervous to try.
🔥 Guide
A Helping Hand: The Benefits of Masturbating with Toys
Using Sex Toys with others is excellent.
Disclaimers
The information provided in this article is for general informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute for, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding sexual health or medical conditions. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read in this article.
If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the nearest emergency department, or call emergency services immediately.
📌 Quick navigation
Jump to section...
Introduction
Myth: Butt Plugs Are Only For Women
Fact: Lube Is Your Best Friend
Myth: You’re Going To Poop
Fact: You Should Limit Your Butt Plug Use To 2-3 Hours
Myth: It Is Going To Get Stuck Inside
Fact: Butt Plugs Are For All Levels
Continue Your Journey
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4 min read
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Updated: March 4, 2026
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123 readers
Vibrator guide
What will I learn?
How to Make the Most of Your First Clit Vibrator
Why a Clit Vibrator?
How to Choose the Right Vibrator
How to Use a Clit Vibrator
How to Properly Clean Your Vibrator
Buying your first vibrator is a lot like buying your first bra. What matters most? Size, comfort, or padding?
From infamous Rabbit Vibrators to pocket size Bullet Vibrators, it may be hard — even daunting — to decide how to get started. If you’re new to the self-pleasure game — a clit vibrator can be a great place to start.
How to Make the Most Out of Your First Time Using a Clit Vibrator
Quick definition
Buying your first vibrator is a lot like buying your first bra. What matters most? Size, comfort, or padding?
Read more below
Here’s a quick guide to maximizing clitoral stimulation and reaching your “I can’t imagine life without my new favorite toy” moment.
3 Techniques for Powerful Clitoral Orgasms
What is the Mythical Clitoris?
To experience those toe-curling, body trembling, intense pleasures, one must look no further than the clitoris. Did you know that about 70% of women can’t orgasm from just internal stimulation alone? This is where the clitoral vibrator has its time to shine.
Read: Why Some People do not have Orgasm?
The clitoris has approximately 8,000 sensory nerve endings. It also has an impact on over 50,000 nerves all over the body when stimulated. The clitoris serves one purpose and goal: pleasure. It is the only body part whose job is to make you feel good as hell. Already ready to dive in? Try our award-winning clitoral vibrator the Form 2 and thank us later.
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Why a Clit Vibrator?
While you can totally keep things simple and use your hand (like the self-satisfying woman you are), clit vibrators are dandy little toys that help you get to that O quicker and even without a hand cramp. Clit vibrators come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and functionality.
To make your decision even more difficult, they come in a variety of materials including plastic, metal, silicone, or a combination. These vibrators often provide a variety of vibration modes and patterns ranging from relaxing stimulation to “I need a second to catch my breath,” stimulating the clit nerve endings resulting in intense orgasms.
How to Choose the Right Vibrator?
how to choose the right vibrator?
Time to decide which new vibrator is your perfect match. As mentioned, clit vibrators come in a wide variety and with a little searching, you can find your dream toy. There are some things to keep in mind when shopping for your first vibrator that will help you find “the one”.
If you are looking for a variety, you may want to consider a vibrator that includes adjustable settings for speed and patterns to keep you on your toes.
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If you’re looking for some extra fun in the shower, tub or other locations where your toy might get wet (fingers crossed), you may want to consider a vibrator that is waterproof. Curious? Try the JIMMYJANE’s Love Pods from our collection of waterproof Love Pods.
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Lastly, you should look at how the vibrator is charged. Although most vibrators today feature a rechargeable USB, some smaller vibrators use batteries that may not be included. Knowing this will ensure your vibrator is ready to go whenever you’re looking to get your dose of leg shaking pleasure.
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How to Use a Clit Vibrator?
Depending on the type of vibrator, you may need to charge your new toy or insert batteries before your first use.
1st: We recommend charging your vibrator for 10-12 hours your first time to ensure a full charge.
2nd: We recommend cleaning your vibrator prior to its first use (and after) and to inspect it for any factory damages or malfunctions.
3rd: We recommend starting on the lowest speed and power setting for the first time. We know you probably want to test your new toy’s full potential but trust us.
The clitoris is a very sensitive organ (which makes it so amazing) so you want to start off slow and work your way up until you know what feels best for you. Once you test different settings and patterns; you will be able to figure out what you like best and start the fun.
4th: You can also try using your new vibrator with your partner to spice things up in the bedroom. Use your vibrator during penetration for double the pleasure and stimulation. You can also have your partner use the vibrator on you or vice-versa. The more you explore and try new things, the more you will know what you like and what makes you feel good.
Read: Perfect Foreplay Sex Toys
How to Properly Clean Your Vibrator?
Keeping your sex toys clean is essential. Regular cleaning ensures your products continue to work at their best and last longer to keep the fun staying (and trust us, you’ll want to).
We recommend cleaning your new clit vibrator after using mild soap and warm running water. You can also purchase cleaners that are made specifically for your sex toys. If you want to keep things extra clean while storing your toys away, try our JimmyJane PURE UV Sanitizing Mood Light.
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Read: How To Clean and Care for Every Type of Sex Toy?
Read More
How Does Being Sexually Active Affect Mental Health?
What if You and Your Partner are Sexually Incompatible?
How Do You Build Sexual Tension?
How to Achieve Sexual Satisfaction?
Female and Male Sexual Arousal
Continue your journey
📖 Guide
Slippery When Wet: How To Have Shower Sex That’s Steamy and Safe
How to have shower sex that’s both safe and sensual.
🔥 Guide
5 Reasons Why You Should Try A Double Penetration Orgasm
Double penetration is when a person simultaneously penetrates two of their orifices.
📖 Guide
Anal Vibrator Guide
Curious about anal vibrators but nervous to try.
Disclaimers
The information provided in this article is for general informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute for, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding sexual health or medical conditions. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read in this article.
If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the nearest emergency department, or call emergency services immediately.
📌
Quick navigation
Jump to section...
Introduction
First Time Tips
Why a Clit Vibrator?
Choosing the Right One
How to Use It
Cleaning Your Vibrator
Continue Your Journey